What do you see when you look in the mirror? Is it someone that you are proud of? Is it a person that you admire and respect? If not, there may be several reasons. Here are some causes of low self esteem.

Your appearance

Appearance matters a great deal to everyone. You want to look your best around others. Perhaps you have slight abnormalities. Everyone does. You may be overweight. Perhaps your nose is slightly larger than normal. No matter what is wrong, people may tease you about it.

It usually begins in childhood. You may be teased by others. They do this to feel better about themselves. They are insecure and it makes them feel secure to belittle you. This is why kids often tease the less fortunate and retarded. It makes them feel more intelligent and superior.

Sibling rivalry

Sisters and brothers tease each other all of the time. They live in the same home. They share the same parents. They all want the same attention and love from the parents. This can be worse with an only child. After many years, a new baby sister or brother may appear. It seems like the baby gets all of the love and attention. This can make the child feel insignificant.

Favoritism with parents

If you pay more attention to one child than the others, it is favoritism. Children see this as a huge injustice. They feel there must be reasons for this. Rather than blame you, they may blame themselves. This can severely damage young egos. This is why favoritism has to be avoided.

Favoritism with grandparents

Grandparents may be more guilty of favoritism than parents. Their child raising years are behind them. They may not feel that they are subject to the same rules as parents. One child may receive better gifts than the others. This is sending a message to the other grandchildren, that they are not important. This can be devastating to young children.

Bullies

Bullying has always been a problem in schools. Often times a bully will want to feel superior to others. The only way they can do that, is through intimidation and threats. This can destroy self-images and childhood dreams. Talk to your children about bullying. Make sure that you are there for them.

Conclusion

You may find many causes of low self esteem. The way you look is very important. If someone teases you about your looks, it can hurt for years. Favoritism should never be tolerated in any household. This extends to grandparents, also. If you think your child is being bullied, talk to him or her. You will need to do more than talk. Make it your problem as well. Children need to feel that you are there for them.

These two factors combined will often cause someone to have low self esteem. causes of low self esteem When a child gets constant ridicule and down grading, it tends to stick with them throughout their adulthood. With exercise and support, a person can change the way they look, hopefully changing the way they feel.

Why are we living? What have we come here for? Every day we hear questions about the aim and purpose of our lives. And most of us continuously search for answers. How can we find happiness? That is one more question forcing us to search for its answer every day. What if the answer to those questions is straightforward? What if all those questions are just about ONE thing? Relationship. The secret of happiness is elucidated in the clear and inspiring voice of Masami Sato in the following excerpt of her book, ONE.

What are we trying to find out?

There are so many things that we carry out in our lives.

Still, have we ever considered why we do what we are doing? What in fact are we searching for?

The world now is full of billions of us coming from different races, countries, religions and beliefs all doing different things. We all look different and act quite differently. We have different interest and attitude from others. We communicate differently often using different languages. We have different desire and feelings.

Nevertheless, if there was ONE thing that ALL of us are searching for, what could that be?

As I travelled around the world, I often asked people a simple question, “What would you like to achieve in your life? What do you really want?”

At first, it seemed everyone was looking for different things as they randomly said, “Good job”, “My own house”, “A nice partner”, “A loving family”, “A soul mate”, “More money”, “Wealth”. “Freedom”, “Peace of mind”, “A life purpose” There were many more answers.

I noticed that while some of these were temporal, and more related to day-to-day needs, others were of a more spiritual nature. We yearn for temporal desires because we do not as yet have it, or don’t feel that we have it yet. As different from this, spiritual desire is not about getting things we do not have. It is about a ‘feeling’ we look for, which does not end no matter what we manage to achieve at every moment of our life.

If one could just remove all earthly desires from our list and look at only permanent desires, it would be obvious that we just want to continue feeling positive sensations like excitement, happiness, inspiration, motivation, munificence, affection, joy etc. - put in other words, we want to continue being happy.

Happiness

Delightfulness is a state of emotion that every one us are longing to experience. Every one of us may define it in a different way. We may even evaluate it differently. We may sense it at varied levels of intensity. But without doubt, we have something in general when delightfulness comes to us. And when we understand this secret about delightfulness, we hold the knowledge to become more delighted, and to make others around us too feel the same sensations.

The life that we are living is a mystery. We all may love it in one way or another. We may also disapprove of it in different ways. We may ask questions about it. We may value it immensely. Or we may just have it, in a nonchalant manner. But what exactly is the purpose of our life? What if the very truth of our existence is about to be revealed? What if this truth really brings us happiness and satisfaction when we discover it?

What if the essence of the aim of our lives, and its joys, is as simple as this:

It is all about connection.

Bonding is everything

Everything depends on bonding. All things are part of some other things. A look at our own lives would say it all. Then we will begin to see the real purpose of life.

Why do we do anything, ANYTHING at all, in life as humans?

It is just because we want to connect to others. We make friends to build a relationship. We get married to establish a relationship in a deeper and more permanent manner. We create a family to further strengthen that relationship. We go out to meet more people to connect with them, not only to get benefits out of those relationships, but also to become more connected to the world.

We buy good clothes or go to a hairdressing saloon for a better relationship with our aesthetical sense and to our own physical appearance. We eat all types of food to feel more connected to the sense of taste and flavour. We eat out to feel the relationship to the people we dine with. We get mobile phones and computers to weave relationships with others and the world. We read magazines and newspapers to remain in touch with whatever is going on and what others are doing and experiencing. We educate ourselves to keep in touch with what others know and value.

Every thing that we do is to satisfy the need of keeping alive relationships. It is our relationship to our own body that makes it imperative that we eat and sleep. Because of our relationship to our senses, we are asked to do things to satisfy the demands that body makes. If we ignore the demands that body makes, we have to bear the resultant aches and distress. And above our mundane needs, we yearn for another relationship - a relationship to our very existence - a relationship to our purpose. And without that connection, it is vacant. Just like the blankness so many of us feel when we have no relationship even to ourselves. That is just not the way our lives are supposed to be lived.

Relationship is powerful, and yet it’s fragile and tender..

When we cannot feel the intimacy in a relationship, we opt for separation, divorce, quarrels, judgement, and disapproval. It never feels good to lose the intimacy in a relationship. Nevertheless, it is possible to fall in love with someone one day and fall out of love with the same person the next day. The feeling can alter just by a flick of a finger. And the flick might be by your finger or theirs!

When we feel disconnected

When we do not feel the connection, we start seeing problems. We start seeing differences and barriers. We start judging and criticising others. We magnify, dwell on and give energy to those things we perceive as problems. When that happens, we could even turn it all inwards and give ourselves pain and criticism. We cannot feel totally happy when we’re feeling disconnected from even one thing.

Connection: the Secret to Happiness

What about if we looked at the whole concept in reverse? When we do that we discover this simple truth: we cannot feel unhappy when we are feeling totally connected. It’s impossible!

Try to feel moody when we feel the security of our bonding to the people around us and laughing and enjoying with our whole heart. Even if we have our own fair share of difficulties in life, we would still be able to break into a laugh and enjoy and feel good when the bonds are strong. At the same time, we would be unable to enjoy things when those bonds are absent.

Relationship: Our Life .

Relationship is the core of everything. That is what life is. Relationship.

Everything is a unified whole of smaller units. Everything combines together to form a bigger unit; the way our bodies are a fusion of smaller entities like atoms, molecules, cells and organs.

Our acts and the choices we make are the manifestations of our need for bonding. We are designed to persistently search ways to bond to each other and to a larger rationale.

Connection and Religion

Some of us choose to be part of different religions to feel more connected. The connection they seek could be to God. It could be to the people with the same belief. When we share the same belief, it creates a stronger sense of bonding within that group of people. More giving happens naturally among people who are feeling connected to each other.

Relationship and Business

People start a business to feel a stronger relationship to themselves by having better mastery over their destiny. But quite often in the world of entrepreneurship, there is a greater sense of isolation especially when we start seeing other enterprises as rivals, staff as devices and customers as a source of income. With all that, the main reason for getting into the business was to establish a relationship. So why should we cause any secluding at all? Maybe in an ideal world, all enterprises worked in another way, but jointly.

Relationship and Wars

Some of us even raise arguments or wars to feel some sense of ‘triumph’ or what is a heightened sense of safety and importance. But strangely, this ricochets. The minute we ‘win’ the fight, we are in fact weakening the relationship. We now require more sureness to defend ourselves from being assaulted by others. We thus end up being more unsure and frightened. We cannot take it lightly as it really happens to almost all of us in one form or another.

It may be the differences of opinion we have with people around us. It may be the wrong conclusions we reach at when we decide another person is wrong. When we want to be the only person to triumph, it will not be a victory in the true sense of the word - there would be no bonding. We can only rejoice when we succeed in unison. Then we feel the strong bond.

Despite the varied ways in which our needs are expressed, everything we do is to satisfy the yearning we have to feel and have a strong relationship.

The full sense of a bonding is realized only through our heart. We can bond with anybody when we are truly concerned about them and feeling that bond with them. If we are conscious of this, giving life to that required state of mind is really easy, uncomplicated and a pleasure. Then we would actually feel more delight and joy.

Life is like a play. We act things and feel things in a play but actually, the aim of the play is to derive pleasure out of it. It is not about acting out things, doing things. When the curtain falls finally, the winners are the ones who have experienced joy by acting. Not the ones who received more applause in the end. The effects and upshots of a play in which we acted do not affect our real life. But if we lost all our life to act in a play just because we wanted to be the best actor there, would it make us the best actor of the play?

It is easy to make out this in the background of competing in sports, but we often do not realize it in the sports and games of real life. We forget so fast that life is also a form of sports.

We have no idea when this game began and when it would be over, all that we know is that it commenced in the past and that it will be over one day. When finally the umpire blows the whistle to stop the game, we can simply say, “Wow, it was a lot of fun. Let us play once again!”

In the sports of life, the aim of the game is to establish a relationship. We can keep connecting until we all unite to become one. It is the one way to constantly feel the relationship to our objective - the feeling of pleasure and delight. We cannot feel detached from the relationship to anything or refuse and conclude even one thing if we are to achieve a lasting relationship.

Life is as easy as that. There is only ONE secret.

And the secret is to establish a relationship.

To turn into ONE

To relish.

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Among the top problems faced by people of this generation is the challenge of a low self esteem. According to psychologists, self esteem is the persons overall evaluation or appraisal of his own worth. To read, it seems quite simple, but ask someone “or better, ask yourself ” what is your worth in your own eyes, and you will realize that it is not as easy as it sounds.

The reason why most peoples self esteem goes up and down like a roller coaster is because in the modern world we live in, everyone is constantly comparing themselves to someone else, and it always takes far longer to build self esteem up again than it does to knock it down. One small phrase from someone else can be enough to bring our self esteem down completely, particularly if that person is regarded highly by either your social crowd or society in general, and building it up again takes lots of time and ideally, a good mentor.

In spite of what a lot of books say, just saying that I feel great is not going to completely help. Instead, there needs to be a process that takes us step by step into dealing with our insufficiencies and all the negatives we have in store about ourselves, and iron them out individually. For that, there is need of a real expert, and an expert in this case is not just an education based position! Since self esteem is entirely a practical thing, there needs to be someone who has been there and done that.

It is a common misconception that low self esteem only happens to people who are successful and wealthy in life. There are in fact several very successful people who are not happy with themselves and have extremely low self esteem, and by the same token there are people who have not had many successes in their life and are happy with what they have.

There is a lot to know about this very important topic. The best source, like we said would be a coach who has beaten his own self esteem issues and today is a happy man (or woman). See if you can locate such a person!

For more information on combating low self esteem please visit theministryofinspiration.com by clicking broadband consciousness or NLP training

As we go through life, most of us will pick up many negative emotional memories and baggage. Our minds subconsciously store everything that happens to us so as to protect us from harm in the future. So all our lives, everything we do and everything that’s said to us is stored on our internal scripts.

Your script will store all your experiences, some good, but mostly all of your bad experiences, every insult you were ever paid, each and every unhappy experience, saving them to use against you in the future. It is easy to underestimate the power of your script, it will rule your life if you let it. Your script is the reason for low self esteem, it is the reason that you hold on tight to every bad experience that you have, rather than concentrate on your triumphs.

Do you know any babies with low self esteem? Of course not, it is something that builds throughout life based on the outcomes of our negative experiences.

The next question is would you choose to remember a compliment or a criticism? Of course you would hang onto compliments and forget the criticisms, but many of us dont.. and the reason is that we aren’t choosing we are have the decision made for us.

You are however, not simply the result of your past experiences as some people believe. You can completely separate yourself from your script and all it takes is a simple choice and a small amount of willpower. Freeing yourself from the constraints of your inner script can change your life.

There are many self-help programs around, but most of them only last for the duration of your payments. Freeing yourself from your script is a life-long change that will make you believe in yourself as you never have done before.

For more information please visit theministryofinspiration.com by clicking low self esteem or NLP